Sunday, May 29, 2005

Please Put Your Hand Back

You know how your emotions can still be running out of control even after you wake up from a dream and realize that it was just a dream?

I picked on Zelda once because she had a dream that I cheated on her. She woke up and threw my arms off of her. I laughed because I instantly knew what was wrong. You don't just wake up angry at someone despite going to bed comfortably spooning with that same someone. Well, it was my turn this time.

I was back at my old alma mater, the University of St. Thomas, located in the heart of Montrose, Houston's gay district. Anyways, it was night time and I was in a T-shirt and underwear. That's it. I had no idea where my pants were. I was on a mission to find some....pants that is.

I was running around desparately trying to avoid people who both knew me and didn't know me. I ran smack into Jay, Jack, and Trashman down a dark alley. Boy, did I have to run! Somehow I ended up on a corner where there was a tittie bar with really gorgeous women outside bringing in customers by the thousands. I decided to not bring any attention to myself and walked to the opposite corner to a less crowded "restaurant". One of the gorgeous women said to me that I didn't want to go in there. I told her that it was okay. I just needed a pen and a phone. As I walked into the door, I was swarmed by hundreds of transvestites. One in particular was putting "her" hand on my beloved package. It was at this instant that I woke up and found myself flinging Zelda's hand off of me. Although I realized that I had been dreaming, the fear that still lingered made me try to force her off the bed.

I felt really stupid and tried to get her to do it again. Zelda will continue.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Sick Again

Yep, I'm sick again. I haven't been taking care of myself too well. I haven't been sleeping much. All that combined for a great immunity breaker. Gwendolyn sent me another letter, "Dear Dad. Get Well. Love, Gwendolyn. Yep, that letter is another keeper.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Crime Stopper Chiro

One of my friends/fellow intern at the clinic managed to spoil a thief's attempt the other night. Jeff is also president of the Shooters Club and have won several marksmen competitions.

About a year ago, his wife's car alarm went off late into the night. He grabbed the keys thinking it was a cat or something that set off the alarm. As he approached the car, he saw some guy ripping out the stereo. He yelled, "Hey!" and the guy took off on foot. Jeff took off after him. He chased him to a wall where the guy knew that if he attempted to climb over it, Jeff would be able to grab his head and shove it right into the wall. So, instead of climbing it, he turned around and faced Jeff holding a knife. Jeff decided that he would get on his cell phone and call the police. The guy then took off. That was a year ago.

A few nights ago, another car alarm was going off. Jeff remembered what happened the previous year. So, this time, he grabbed his .357 snubby. He walked outside of his apartment complex. In his neighbor's car, he saw a strange person with a yellow drill trying to steal the car. Jeff tapped on the window and shouted, "Hey! What are you doing in there?" This startled the guy and he jumped out. He reached into his shirt, but Jeff already had his hand on his gun. So, Jeff had the barrel of his .357 pointed right at the guy before he could pull whatever was in his shirt out. Jeff screamed for him to stop. The guy responded that he had a gun too. Jeff yelled at him, "If you pull it, you're dead!" The guy didn't move. His hand was still in his shirt. Jeff yelled again, "Don't pull it! Don't you pull it!" Again, Jeff called for the Police on his cell phone. The guy actually had the balls to take off running. Jeff understands the way the law works. So, he just let the guy run and filed a report with the police complete with a detailed description.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Perverts also read my blog

Okay, I took a page out of Zelda's notebook and decided to check my blog patrol. Here are a few of the things that people searched for and ended up finding my site.

1. zelda's horny morning
2. corvette +cadavers
3. german gangbang
4. "5 inch nipples"
5. morning erection roommate
6. ob gyn pussy
7. "high school" "ddd cup"
8. kate hudson "bra size"

very disturbing,
9. little boys peanus

and lastly,

10. do i have a small peanus for my age

I'm not sure what's worse. That someone actually asked that or that they found my site from asking such a question.

Friday, May 13, 2005

A New Addition to the Family

No, it's not what you think. We've decided to help out a friend as well as his/her father who is serving in Iraq. Although I can't go into details about it, I will say that we are going to try our best to help someone start his/her life over after living through years of abuse at the hands of a sick and twisted individual. Maybe one day, this individual will post their experience. They have already expressed a desire to do so, and it is heartbreaking.

Zelda and I always said we wanted to do something for our soldiers. I guess it may seem a little unconventional, but I am happy to think we might be able to help give another chance at life to one of our soldier's children.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Father-Daughter connection

I remember when Zelda was pregnant with our eldest daughter, she was wondering how she would feel about our child. She was worried because she thought that she would not feel any differences between Gwendolyn and the rest of her sisters. I assured her that once Gwendolyn was born, she will know. She tells me to this day that I was right about that.

However, it was different for me. I can't quite explain it, but it took some time for me. I mean, I loved Gwendolyn from the start. But, I didn't have the same connection that Zelda had. I don't know if it was the same for all of the other fathers out there. It didn't take long, but this made Zelda a little nervous. She was constantly under the impression that I was going to leave her and Gwendolyn because I just wasn't ready for fatherhood. Let's face it, when are any of us really ready for parenthood? However, I never felt the desire to leave. Still, it bothered her. I didn't know how to convince her otherwise.

One morning, while I was still asleep, Zelda put Gwendolyn on my chest. At first I squirmed and gave her the typical "What the hell are you waking me up for" groan. Then, when I opened my eyes, I saw the biggest, toothless smile on little Gwendolyn's face staring right at me. My groaning stopped and I smiled right back at her. That was the exact moment when Zelda was finally convinced that little Gwendolyn and I had made the connection.

God Dammit

Thanks tinyhands.

If I could be a ninja (Tinyhands)
If I could be a fly on the wall (Tinyhands)
If I could be a rodeo clown (Tinyhands)
If I could be a celebrity (Tinyhands)
If I could be totally at peace (April)
If I could be on the other side of the world (April)
If I could be a cat burgler (April)
If I could be a supermodel (April)
If I could be in a movie (April)
If I could be a music executive (The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a grandparent(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a computer hacker(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a professional basketball player(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a Customer Service Representative(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be an artist
If I could be a marketing director
If I could be a nanny
If I could be a psychic
If I could be an emergency medical technician
If I could be a firefighter
If I could be a designer
If I could be a policeman/woman
If I could be a teacher
If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor(By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime(by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer(by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep(by laine)
If I could be a masseuse(by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver(by Brian)
If I could be a priest(by Brian)
If I could be the Sherrif Of Nottingham(Karen)
If I could be a dancer(Karen)
If I could be Santa Claus(Karen)
If I could be on a reality TV show(Dawn)
If I could be a magician(Dawn)
If I could be a rich man
If I could be perfect
If I could be a comedian

If I could be a doctor, oh wait...I will be.

If I could be a celebrity, I wouldn't spout my mouth off about politics because I'd be smart enough to realize that whatever industry I'm in will make money when people actually like you.

If I could be a professional basketball player, I'd help teach kids how to play.

If I could be a professor, I'd teach kids to think on their own and not indoctrinate them.

If I could be a grandparent, I'm going to spoil my grandkids to get back at my kids.

I tag Zelda, Tommy Rogers (so that he might post again), and Jack the Grey because I don't know anything about him yet.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

So much fun

You all know that Zelda and I love to get in on debates online. I'm going to have to cut and paste this last one about illegal immigration that we got into. It's a little long but really funny. Thanks ALa, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

Zelda: I consider it a point of pride that so many people want to come here. I have no problem with the tired, poor and huddled masses. But I have a huge problem with terrorists, murderers and sex offenders.
Assure me that everyone who has come here is put through a screening process and a quarantine for TB just in case, and I welcome them with open arms. It shouldn't be that difficult.

Paul: Zelda, How many Swedish, German and Dutch tourists are put through your screening process and quarantine.
My point is that the argument made is security and health, but the real pupose is economic, your statement sounds just a degree off from "Dirty Wetbacks."

Jethro: Zelda said, "Assure me that EVERYONE who has come here is put through a screening process and a quarantine for TB just in case, and I welcome them with open arms."
I guess anyone who seems to think that just because Zelda, a white person, said that must have only meant Mexicans when she said EVERYONE. Just how racist is that for someone to assume that a white person only speaks about one race when she clearly specifies "EVERYONE?"
She also said, "I have no problem with the tired, poor and huddled masses. But I have a huge problem with terrorists, murderers and sex offenders." Yeah, she has such a huge problem with economics and absolutely no concern for security with those words.

Paul: Hey Jethro,
Racism is in the comment - you know damn well just like I said, nobodys calling for the tourists to be quarantined the reference was to those, you know 'dirty' immigrants from those 'dirty' countries.
My reaction isn't racist - the statement is and to be honest I don't care if the speaker is the same race as he TB carriers or not - the statement is.
Defend her, I understand but look at the statement and adjust the point of origin or the disease, it doesn't matter because we don't quarantine anyone unless they show signs of diseas - not by where they are from, so why bring it up in a discussion about Mexico? Racism that's why.

Jethro: Paul,
Racism is in your comment. Due to outbreaks of HIV worldwide, TB is now becoming much harder to control. Sharp inclines of incidences are occuring even in liberal Europe. She knows this which is why she still specifies EVERYONE.
You assumed her intentions despite HER WORDS. You assumed that she is so ignorant to believe that TB is only a problem in poor countries. Such assumptions of TB origin are also racist.
Of course I will defend my wife. I understand that chivalry is a concept foreign to a lot of liberals, but it's still a concept that I subscribe to.

Zelda: Oh Paul, you truly are an witless moron. I married an immigrant from one of your so called "dirty" countries. Jethro and his family immigrated from Vietnam (legally). They underwent testing and vaccinations and understood it to be a very reasonable request in exchange for the opportunity and security the U.S. provides.
But what can we offer any immigrant if our country is not secure or healty?
I am proud to be married to Jethro and I'm proud of his family who came here with less than nothing and put their kids through college.
But by all means, keep calling me a racist. Your hypocrisy is amusing.

Paul: Jethro et al,
As an avowed conservative I wouldn't expect you to give your wife the credit to be able to argue her own point of view in a conversation. Hide your disrespect behind 'chivalry' if you wish but it doesn't wash, if she wnts to converse I expect her to defend or make her point as anyone else would regardless of her marital status, gender or bad taste in spouses.
In the argument your relationship means nothing to me, get it nothing.
It's your relationship and I'm not in the party.
As for my racist intent you couldn't be more wrong. The comment was made in context of a conversation about Mexican entry to the country. I questioned the EVERYONE statement because I know it isn't true.
Country of origin and country of transit determine what the rules are and those rules take into consideration of WHO and CDC incidents of disease in those countries.
They are in place for countries where problems are known but the statement of EVERYONE is clearly a cover for a racist agenda. A tourist (let's try student for the sake of ciggy's ignorance) from countries that are not on the clear list does not go through a quarentine and will not.
The arument is specious the intent is clear.
I'm sure Zelda does not have a deliberately racist (perhaps xenophobic) bone in her body, but the statement, in context is as I say racist.
We all have a tinge of racism in us here and there, even people of one race against their own - it's part of the dynamic of human existance.
The reason some guys prefer blue eyed blondes and some green eyed redheads, others small women with wide smiles.
You can deny racism, but you can't escape it.

Jethro: Keep digging your hole you racist. Our point was proven using your own words. You keep spouting off trying to prove a point but instead show your true racist colors. Now, you're trying to make excuses for it with the whole "We all have a tinge of racism in us here and there." So, keep digging.

Paul: Jethro,
You couldn't be more full of shit if you were the recieving tank at the city waste water plant.

Zelda: When I say everyone, I mean everyone. You offer no proof that I don't mean what I say. In fact, my whole life proves your assumtions wrong. So you can keep making an ass out of yourself if you insist, but as a good Christian, I refuse to spur you on.

Paul: "my whole life proves your assumtions wrong"
Did you really want to put your "whole life" up for examination?
I doubt it, just like I doubt both the good christian remark and the everyone remark.
But hey if you can't handle 2 seconds of self examination and just want to hand all the blame for your failings to God. Go for it.

Jethro: Aaaawwwww! Poor, pathetic little Paul is pissed because we exposed his racism.
All together now, Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!

Paul: Jethro,
Here's the difference for your unenlightened existence...
I see, acknowledge and deal with the racial prejudice that society has created an that includes myself.
On the other hand others, (Zelda and yourself) refuse to look for it, and spew it on the world unaware, self-righteous and self defensive.
Please note, Paul never called anyone racist in this conversation - the slings came from your direction - a person can behave in a racist manner, make racist statements and have conscious awareness of it.
I'm multicultural something your republican friends like to make fun of. What I mean when I say that is that I accept, acknowledge, and celebrate diversity something your consrvative friends also like to ridicule. But in being multicultural I have to be racist because I have to accpt the racial component of that diversity and the net plus it brings to humanity.
Go hide with your Morman Quaker hating friends and quit pretending to be a compassionate conservative.

Zelda: I'll put my whole life up against your frantic accusations of racism any day. You think that by accusing others of racism, you will get a pass on your own racist assumptions.
And if you want to go toe to toe on multiculturalism, bring it the fuck on. Jethro and I are your worst nightmare because we make you look like the hysterical, desperate race-baiter that you are.

Jethro: Awwwww Paul, that would hurt my feelings if you weren't a racist.

Paul: Zelda I didn't race bait but I've certainly seen plenty of it coming from the two of you.
Like I said your relationship isn't part of the conversation.
Jethro (the name gets more appropriate with each 'discussion'),
I have admitted my racism, when will you?

Zelda: Prove your points.
When did I mention race? Before or after you went on your presumptive, loose-boweled tirade about "dirty" countries?
And you don't get to decide what is part of the conversation. My relationship proves you are a foaming hysteric, so naturally you wouldn't want to make it part of the "conversation." But tough shit. You attacked us personally and now you have to pay the consequences of looking like an idiot.

Jethro: "the name gets more appropriate with each 'discussion'"
I'm not quite sure what that means. Coming from you, it must be racist.

(End of conversation so far...)


You know what's really great about this whole thing? This guy FIRST tried to call Zelda a racist then ADMITS to being a racist himself. So, he's basically a proven hypocrit and a self admitted racist.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Where's the Camera?

Still don't have my laptop back yet, but since the computers in the clinic are currently allowing me to access blogger, here's a quick post.

Tan was a friend of mine that I met from the optical that I used to work at. She was a very attractive Vietnamese girl and a lot of fun to hang out with. Eventually, she left the optical to get her doctorate in Optometry. Zelda used to say that she and I looked like the perfect couple when we were hanging out. Tan even told me that she used to have a crush on me. I may have considered pursuing her except for 2 problems. First, I have strong rules when it comes to dating. One of those rules include never dating people I work with. Secondly (and more importantly), I had my eye on Zelda.

I ran into Tan a couple of times while she was in Optometry school. She told us that she had gone to Cancun during one of her breaks with some of the people in her class. They all decided that they wanted to try para-sailing. When Tan's turn came up, they strapped that huge parachute on her and the boat took off. She's a little nervous when it comes to heights so as she floated higher and higher, she held on tighter and tighter to the straps. All of a sudden, her bikini top flew off. Just then, she looked down at the speeding boat to see laughter and several camera flashes going off. Unfortunately, she was a little too scared to let go of the straps and cover herself.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Happy Birthday Zelda

Today is Zelda's birthday. Go and wish her a happy birthday. I'm trying to get things planned for tonight. Got the babysitting situation taken care of and got dinner reservations set. I'm taking her to an upscale Moroccan restaurant. Afterwards, we'll see what happens.

I had to turn in my laptop again for warranty work. I just got it back about 2 or 3 weeks ago from another problem it was having. So, blogging will be quite sporadic since I have to do it in the clinic which works only part of the time or I'll have to fight Zelda over use of the desktop. Anyways, I've got more to do to get ready for tonight so see y'all soon.

Monday, May 02, 2005

You want a license to carry a gun?

When I turned 21, Mason and I decided that we wanted to get our licenses to carry a concealed weapon for protection. Let me just insert here that it has already save my life once. Anyways, there are classes required should you desire to take on such responsibilities. I used to think that these classes were a little unnecessary because other friends of mine told me that it was nothing more than using common sense. After taking this required class, I now believe that these classes are an extremely good idea.

In these classes, we learn the basics of the law, where you can and can't carry your sidearm, and basically whether or not you should actually use your sidearm. Afterwards, there's a field test to make sure you can actually hit your target.

When to use your sidearm was the funniest part of the class. The underlying idea is that you must be able to convince a jury that you were justified in using your sidearm by the definition of the law. Still, we had people in the class who would set up weird scenarios to justify using a gun. "Can you shoot them if...." Of course, the answer was always the same. "By law, ... BUT you still need to be able to convince a jury that you were justified." Then, the next question came up, "BUT, what if...., Can you shoot them then?" Mason and I both lowered and shook our heads. These people just don't get it. Eventually, the class got the message and we took the written test. Then, we went to the field test. Mason and I both passed easily. But, when I saw the results of some of the others out there, I was appalled. Some of them were amazing crackshots. Others, couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. Those results were scary because the paper targets looked more like swiss cheese thrown into a wood chipper. And these are the folks that wanted to carry a gun? Maybe they should've actually learned how to shoot before they took the test. Common sense?

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Lord Have Mercy

I wrote this over the weekend and was debating posting it due to the fact that I had a little bit to drink. Then, I thought...Why not?

Okay, I'm not a Christian but I've studied it intensely for 4 years in college. It's now 3:21 a.m. in the morning and I'm watching this Televangelist on TV. Why? I was flipping channels and just thought why the hell not. Let's see what this guy has to say. That, and I've had a couple of martinis.

Oh my God. I have never seen such a pile of shit in my entire life. Now, I have known religious people all my life. Most are very decent people. However, I've seen dirty politicians with more honesty and integrity than the ingrown asshair that I am currently (for some drunken reason) watching. Who in their right mind actually falls for this bullshit? He just said, "I want to challenge you to make a 'vow' of $1000." I would love to ask this worthless con artist what vow has he made. Oh wait, he uses those contributions for good purposes right? Of course it's good for him to buy a really nice car and a really nice house while the naive live in shacks. There's a perfectly good reason behind it because he's doing God's work right? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't God want acts of charity that directly benefits those in need? Like maybe helping to feed your fellow man? Why would you spend people's well intentioned, hard earned money for your own personal pleasure? Let's take a look at what you're spending that money on. Let's take a look at all of the tax records, receipts, everything. You're a good man, you have nothing to hide, let's see it all.

I'm sorry for this religious post, but this is really annoying the fuck out of me. People who take advantage of others in the name of religion deserve to be shot. Oh shit, he just said that a $1000 "vow" will catch the attention of God and the attention of the devil. I can't believe that people actually believe this shit. Wouldn't God favor direct intervention with the poor? Would he prefer you directly helping a person in need or giving to this so called "preacher" the money. What act is more loyal to your God's intentions?

Oh, I think he just said his name is Robert Tilton. I'm going to have to do some research on this guy.