Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Sex Questions II
I actually get to know my patients on more personal level. It really helps them to ask questions they would not normally ask. I have this one patient who came to me after he hurt his shoulder. I told him that he has a partial tear on one of his tendons. He asked me if he could go fishing. I told him that as long as he wasn't using his injured shoulder, he would be okay. Next thing you know, we were talking about anything and everything related to fishing. After a couple of treatments, we had an interesting conversation.
Patient: "So, do you do other stuff besides neck, shoulders, and low back?"
Me: "Yes. The only thing different between me and an MD is that I don't prescribe controlled substances and I don't do surgical procedures. MDs tend to focus more on Pharmocology as treatments and I tend to focus more on Biomechanics through alternative methods for treatments."
Patient: "Can I ask you a question then?"
Patient: "Alright, whenever a girl is riding me, my legs go numb and I can't feel it as much."
Me: "You mean she's on top?"
Patient: "Yeah. I even tried it with a really skinny white chick and it still goes numb. I can keep my dick hard but I just can't feel it."
Me: "Let me do a couple of orthopedic tests."
After doing a few orthopedic tests, I found what was going on.
Me: "Your hip flexors are compressing on the spermatic cord. Associated with the spermatic cord are various nerves that extend into the pubic region. Because your hip muscles are so tight, it's irritating specific nerves, especially sensory nerves. So, what you need to do is to take the pressure off of the nerves by elongating the musculature around the path of the nerve. Let me show you a couple of stretches that will help you."
Patient: "That's it?"
Me: "Yep. Real easy, huh?"
Patient: "Hey, Daaawwwwg! Waaassssaaaapeeniiiiiiiiiiiinggggg!"
Me: "You seem happy."
Patient: "I can fuckin' feel it again, man. "
Me: "So that explains your happiness."
Friday, March 14, 2008
I get all kinds of questions from patients. It's especially interesting when I get questions regarding sex. It's rather weird. Whenever I'm out of the office, I crack jokes and have fun with it. However when a patient asks me questions about sex, I don't think twice about it and answer any questions they may have.
Female Patient: "Doctor, can I have rough sex or will it hurt my back more?"
Me: "Define rough sex."
Female Patient: "What do you mean rough sex? You know.....rough sex."
Me: "Well, are you dominating or is he dominating? Not only that, but if you're dominating, what position are you doing that in? How hard is the repetitive penetration? How long is it going on for? In what way are you twisting your body? Describe it to me and I can tell you whether or not it will aggravate it."
Female Patient: "...............Alright, let's just say doggie style."
Me: "Doggie style is fine if you can maintain the correct posture. However, you also have to be careful as to how hard he is pulling you against him as well as how hard you're pushing yourself against him. So for now, let's just hold off on the rough stuff for a couple of weeks until I can get your intervertebral disc spaces opened up a little bit and maintained through conservative methods."
Female Patient: "But I really like it rough."
Me: "I understand that. But if you want to continue having rough sex without the pain, I need some time to get you better. Think about it this way, if you give me just a few weeks to help you, you can enjoy the rough stuff a lot more because you won't have the low back pain."
Female Patient: "Oh, alright."
I also had a male patient ask me questions. I'll post about that one in a few days.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Happy 9th Anniversary
It was 9 years ago today that I stood with you and promised that I would love you forever. Since then, I have grown to love you more and more each and every day. You are my best friend. You have intellectually challenged me like no other. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me feel like I'm the only one in your world. I miss you everyday, even when I'm at work.
It's been 9 years but everyday it still feels like it's brand new. Happy Anniversary, Zelda. I love you.