Sunday, January 25, 2009

More consistent posting...just for the TRASHMAN!

I got another patient that I'm treating from an auto accident. The guy has a huge herniated disc. So, he's got a lot of pain from his low back radiating down one of his legs. I've suspected that this one patient has a drug and alcohol problem. How? There are secret ways that a doctor can tell. For example, when you come into the door and the smell of alcohol can be sensed before you open your mouth, we know. Or, when you leave the office and I see you popping a shitload of pills at corner of the street while I'm checking the mail, that's another "secret" clue.

This patient of mine had been really cool with us until he came in one day very irritated. I had referred him to an MD for pain injections while he continues with therapy to solve his problem and make it more permanent. However, he got lost in the paperwork and they didn't call him to set the appointment. He came in and screamed to my front desk girl, "You can tell that doctor's office to Fuck off because I've been waiting for them to call me. I walked 7 miles from my mom's house to get some kind of relief. I walked 7 miles from my mom's house! I walked 7 miles from my mom's house! (Repeating yourself over and over usually indicates that your brain isn't functioning know, like when you're drunk or high).

I came out to the front desk and addressed him the best way I know how to confront an angry drunk (THANK YOU college experience!) I calmly talked to him and told him how right he was to be angry that the other doctor's office dropped the ball. In fact, I got the front desk girl calling up that office right now to put him to the front of the line. "I'm sorry, I've never had a problem with this office before. I'll tell you what though, now that they realize that they made a MISTAKE, you're going to get the ROYAL treatment there. LUCKY YOU!"

He responds, "I'm sorry Dr. Jethro." Then he apologizes to the front desk girl. "I'm just upset that I walked 7 miles from my mom's house and that other doctor's office never called me. I walked 7 miles from my mom's and they never called me."

The next time he came in, he was in a much better mood. It was as if he had all this extra energy to the point where he just couldn't stop talking. He had all this extra new energy. Oh, and he was sniffling every 5 seconds. I was wondering whether his nose would start bleeding.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

how HIGH is your pain level?

I have a few minutes in between patients to tell y'all about a patient I had.

I had a new patient who came into the clinic with some neck pain that radiated down his arm to his elbow. While doing a few orthopedic tests, I pressed down on his head. A cloud of dust/smoke billowed upwards and I noticed the distinct smell of marijuana. I thought about asking him if he had open-angle or closed-angle glaucoma just to be a smart ass. But I decided to be a professional and stopped. Towards the end of the exam, his stomach growled. I couldn't resist. "Got the munchies?" I asked. He laughed.