Tuesday, June 21, 2005


By now, you all may have read that Zelda and a friend were mugged at gunpoint early this morning by a couple of young black cowards who followed them from Wal-Mart. There is now a new rule in our home. Any purchases that must be made in the middle of the night will be made by me. The neighborhood we live in is considered pretty safe. I hope everyone will take our experience as an important lesson learned that even safe neighborhoods can get hit.

The night began when Zelda told me that she and Carrie were going to go to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things. That's fine. Zelda's gone there numerous times by herself in the middle of the night without any worries (all that has now changed). I had patients and reports to deal with early in the morning so I figured I'd get some sleep. Some time between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning, I heard her yelling something about 911, the house, and being robbed. I jumped out of bed, punched in the code to the gun safe and ran through the house looking for targets. Once you're in my home without my permission, you're fucking dead. The bullets that I carry are designed to not overpenetrate soft tissue. Unfortunately for your unlucky ass, that means it explodes inside of you ripping up as much of your insides as possible.

Anyways, I wanted to run outside but Zelda pleaded with me not to go outside. I desparately wanted to go hunt some assholes but I figured it's best to check in on the kids as well as Zelda and our friend. The police came extremely fast. Several units appeared in a matter of a few minutes. I listened as Zelda and Carrie told the police exactly what happened. I was growing more and more angry with every word I heard. I feel like calling up a few friends for a vigilante hunt. How funny it is that I asked Jack about how he felt about vigilante groups the afternoon before all of this happened.

We spent the rest of the morning just talking and watching movies. I told my attending doctor what had happened and he told me that he would take care of all of my appointments. I'm ready to explode right now. You can fuck with me all you want. If you touch my family and I catch you, I'll torture your ass until you beg for me to kill you. God have mercy on you because I sure as hell won't!