Monday, July 25, 2005

Texas skeeters

My buddy Mason called me up the other night to go fishing in Freeport. When I got to where he was, we loaded my stuff into his boat and we set out. We didn't go very far from the boat launch. It was around 11:00 p.m. when I started fishing.

When I first got to Freeport, I knew the mosquitos would be bad. I popped open the trunk from the inside of my mosquito fortress (car). Then, I opened the door and ran to the trunk. I was flailing my arms and stomping my feet while I opened my tackle box and grabbed my Extra strength Deep Woods Off for Sportsmen and started spraying. I swear I wasn't exposed for more than ten seconds and was already bitten seven times in the ankle alone. I was spraying myself like a mad man.

Once on the boat, I didn't stop spraying. It's a little difficult getting certain parts of your back when you're spraying yourself. Damn things found the one part of my back that I missed and bit me through my shirt. Mason took the bottle and sprayed the area I couldn't reach. I was finally covered from head to toe.

You'd think that extra strength stuff would keep them at a distance. All night, I could hear those little bastards make kamikaze runs. They would fly up and nose dive right to my ear and bounce off. Each time that happened, I had to spray my entire head a little more. When our hands would get wet, a little bit of the repellent would wash off just enough for them to make a suicide feeding attempt.

Now, when Mason and I fish, we drink beer. Lots and lots of beer. When you drink beer, you naturally have to urinate frequently. So when I had to go, I had to go. I unzipped my zipper and whipped it out and started relieving myself when I realized that although I sprayed my shorts, I didn't exactly spray the most important part. When the first mosquito landed, I instinctively swatted at it. Hard. I struck the Emporer and his 2 best friends.



"I hurt.....myself."

"What did you do?"

"I was peeing and a mosquito landed on my dick and I swatted it."


"The pain" set in, but I was determined to not have any bloodsuckers suck...well, you know. After that session, I sprayed down the front of my shorts heavily. That kept them away and kept me from getting bit.