Friday, March 21, 2008

Sex Questions II

I actually get to know my patients on more personal level. It really helps them to ask questions they would not normally ask. I have this one patient who came to me after he hurt his shoulder. I told him that he has a partial tear on one of his tendons. He asked me if he could go fishing. I told him that as long as he wasn't using his injured shoulder, he would be okay. Next thing you know, we were talking about anything and everything related to fishing. After a couple of treatments, we had an interesting conversation.

Patient: "So, do you do other stuff besides neck, shoulders, and low back?"

Me: "Yes. The only thing different between me and an MD is that I don't prescribe controlled substances and I don't do surgical procedures. MDs tend to focus more on Pharmocology as treatments and I tend to focus more on Biomechanics through alternative methods for treatments."

Patient: "Can I ask you a question then?"

Me: "Sure."

Patient: "Alright, whenever a girl is riding me, my legs go numb and I can't feel it as much."

Me: "You mean she's on top?"

Patient: "Yeah. I even tried it with a really skinny white chick and it still goes numb. I can keep my dick hard but I just can't feel it."

Me: "Let me do a couple of orthopedic tests."

After doing a few orthopedic tests, I found what was going on.

Me: "Your hip flexors are compressing on the spermatic cord. Associated with the spermatic cord are various nerves that extend into the pubic region. Because your hip muscles are so tight, it's irritating specific nerves, especially sensory nerves. So, what you need to do is to take the pressure off of the nerves by elongating the musculature around the path of the nerve. Let me show you a couple of stretches that will help you."

Patient: "That's it?"

Me: "Yep. Real easy, huh?"

A few days go by.

Patient: "Hey, Daaawwwwg! Waaassssaaaapeeniiiiiiiiiiiinggggg!"

Me: "You seem happy."

Patient: "I can fuckin' feel it again, man. "

Me: "So that explains your happiness."