Saturday, February 19, 2005

Prescription: Sexual Gratification

I can't believe I'm about to tell ya'll about this. Last week, a friend of mine (We'll call her Suzy) told me she was having some low back pain and if there was anything I could do to help. I asked her a few questions to get an idea as to the situation regarding this pain. The fact that there was no trauma worried me. I ran through some orthopedic tests to get a better idea as to what was going on. Nothing seemed to make sense. One test would say one thing. Another test would say the opposite. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I asked her to come in to the clinic for an x-ray and blood test because I was worried of a tumor or something else, particularly her kidneys. She told me that she had already seen a physician and all these tests were already done with nothing abnormal showing up. She asked me if there was anything else that her doctor may not have thought of. I was dumbfounded. I adjusted her and it gave her some relief, but not much. Then, it hit me.

I remember there was a lecture in OB/Gyn class regarding something that you might see in a female who complains of low back pain. Now, Suzy has been a good friend of mine. So, what I was about to say to her made me feel quite uneasy. But, I got up my nerve and continued:

J: "How's your sex life?"

S: "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

J: "There's something called pelvic congestion. It sometimes happens when females are not sexually gratified. I'm not saying that that's what you have. But, seeing as how nothing seems to make sense, I've got to ask you."

S: "You're lying."

J: "Suzy, I can't make this stuff up. It was a lecture in OB/Gyn class once. I'm not sure how true it is, but it's worth looking into right?"

S: "Maybe."

J: "Look, if your doctor said the imaging and blood tests were normal, and the ortho tests that I did aren't giving me a clear picture towards anything, you might want to look further into it."

S: "What do you suggest?"

J: "I can't believe I'm actually going to say this, but since you're a friend of mine, I'll tell you. Go and have an orgasm. Let me know if it works."

S: "I'm feeling a little uncomfortable."

J: "Hey, I don't blame you one bit. If I was in the clinic being observed by my attending, I would never have told you about this. Look, I'm going to be a doctor one day, and it's something I guess I have to get used to. So, I'm sorry."

S: "It's okay I guess. You're just trying to help. Right?"

J: "Yeah. Believe me, it's a little uncomfortable for me too."

A few days later, I got a call from Suzy.

S: "Hey Jethro! I just wanted to let you know my back feels better."

J: "Really? Good. So, are you seeing someone now?"

S: "No. Let's just leave it at that. Thanks for your advice."

J: "No problem."