Monday, December 18, 2006

A Nightmare

Zelda and I blogged a long time ago about some of the things I used to do in my sleep. That was followed by a post of some of my more violent dreams. Last night, I had a pretty freaky dream. It was extremely detailed and I woke up completely disturbed.

Zelda was so cute. She woke me up. Apparently, I was breathing heavily.

The dream started with me moving into a home. When things started flying around and being hurled at me from off the walls, I decided that Zelda and I were getting the fuck out. We got into the car that was in the garage. Suddenly, the garage door closed by itself trapping us in the garage. I put the gear in reverse and slammed on the accelerator. The car hit the garage door but we didn't make it out completely. I put the car into drive and pulled forward just a bit before slamming the car in reverse again. This time, we broke through.

We returned to the home with some help. Why? Probably because I've seen too many horror movies as a kid and my mind just went that way. As I went back into the house, I heard a faint voice getting louder and louder to the point where it was screaming, "I am the thunder. I am the thunder! I will destroy you!"

Then, I saw a silhouette in the window. For some reason, I charged the window and opened the blinds to see who it was. Why? Because I've seen too many horror movies when I was a kid and my mind just went that way. What did I see?

I saw myself with a death grin staring right back at me. Why? Because I've seen too many horror movies as a kid and my mind just went that way.

That's when Zelda woke me up. Knowing that I have violently reacted to dreams before, Zelda very wisely got out of bed, grabbed a hanger, and poked me.

I had trouble going back to sleep. I kept wondering what that dream meant. Was a demon trying to suck out my soul? And, why was I awake contemplating this? Maybe because I've seen too many horror movies as a kid and my mind just went that way.

I was finally able to get back to sleep. My next dream involved sex with Jenna Jameson. Why? Because I'm a guy and I've seen too much porn and my mind just went that way.

Monday, December 04, 2006

There's a fly in my soup

I took the family out for dinner the other night and we had a little visitor come by to peek at what we were eating. The girls screamed, "Cockroach!"

I stood up, grabbed a napkin, and squashed the little fucker.

I don't really care about it. I mean, it's not a bad restaurant. I understand that it's going to happen every once in a blue moon. Hell, I've seen critters at some of the nicest, most expensive restaurants. It's just a fact that you have to get used to when you live in a warmer climate.

I used to be a little squeamish about things like that when I was a kid. All that changed when I went back to Vietnam. Having been in a third world country, you get used to sites like that.

I started off with thinking things like, "I can't eat that, there's something with six legs in there." By the time I left, it was more like: slurp, chew, swallow, scoop out the bug, and slurp again.

What? They add flavor.