The skunk and the Smoke Alarm

Zelda is quite under the weather lately. Truth is, she's been overworking herself over the Christmas holiday trying to make it a nice one for the kids.

Because of that, she started a story that I guess I should fill everyone in on.

Last week, I decided to leave the window to our bedroom open because it was going to be a cool, yet not too cold night. Around 2:30 am, a loud high pitched buzzing went off. Zelda woke up and slapped her alarm a couple of times before it stopped. She commented, "That's weird, my alarm never sounded like that before." I noticed there was a faint yet obvious scent of sulfur in the room, but was too tired to care.

We went back to sleep. 45 minutes later, the same high pitched buzzing went off. Zelda again slapped her alarm several times before the buzzing stopped. I told her to unplug the fucking thing and I would get her a new one the following day.

We went back to sleep. 30 minutes later, the same high went off AGAIN! Her alarm was unplugged. Then it hit me. It's either a poltergeist hell bent on pissing us off, or it was the smoke alarm. At this time, the scent of skunk somewhere in the neighborhood was OBVIOUSLY permeating through our room. I instantly closed the window and was desparately looking for air fresheners.

We had no idea that skunk "funk" could set off smoke alarms. Has anyone heard of such a thing? We actually stayed up a couple more hours just looking for information on that. No luck.

"I Love You"

These 3 words can mean so much to people. For the sake of this post, these 3 words were the basis of a little bit of fun.

I was talking on the phone with a buddy of mine once. I don't even remember what we were talking about. Anyways, I always hear Joe when he talks with his wife. He always ended phone calls to his wife with, "I Love You." So, guess what he blurts out when we finished our conversation? "I Love You."

OOOOOOOH NOOOOOO! You can't make a mistake like that and not have a bunch of guys take advantage of the situation.

I called him back, "Did you just say, 'I Love You?'"

He embarrassingly laughs, "Yeah...."

me: "You know, Joe. You're not a bad looking guy...."

Joe: "Shut up, Jethro."

me: "....but I'm not into guys, ya know?"

Joe: "Fuck you."

me: "Fucking is definitely out of the question, but will you at least settle for a handshake?"

Joe: "You're an ass."

me: "No, Joe. You can't have my ass."

Joe: "Dude, I'm just so used to saying that to my wife."

me: "I know. I had to give you a hard time."

The most awesome quote I've heard in awhile

This was a quote from one of my friend's wife.

"Asian men love to go down because it reminds them of their momma's cooking."

Ramen! Amen!

My first year of college, I got to witness quite a few different things. One thing in particular that caught my attention was how you guys eat Ramen noodles. Now, when an Asian makes Ramen noodles, we put lettuce, bean sprouts, onions, and some kind of meat, whether it be chicken, BBQ pork, beef, etc.

I was coming out of my room when I noticed another person in the dorms heating a bowl of ramen noodles. I asked, "What are you going to put in that?" The person looked at me funny. Then I realized that they were going to eat it plain.

I've never seen anything like that before. You don't eat just plain ramen! That's just wrong! Then I saw others doing it. So, I tried it without the veggies, without the meat, without the other extras.

How in the hell did you guys screw up Ramen noodles?!

I went to a friend's house who was from Taiwan. His wife is also white. We were talking about it when his wife says, "Leave it up to the Asians to make something like Ramen noodles into a healthy meal."

Damn skippy.