An Experiment

Okay, I know that I look young for my age. I know I'll start to appreciate it as I get older, but it can be annoying sometimes. I was in line to purchase a movie ticket when I was 25 years old. The guy behind the ticket counter asked me for some ID. I thought to myself, that maybe he was trying to give me a student discount. So, I broke out my old college ID. Then he said, "No. I mean your driver's license." I thought to myself why the hell would he ask me for my driver's license. Then it hit me, I was being carded for a Rated R movie. I've also been carded for lottery tickets and of course alcohol. It never fails. I could've been into a liquor store a hundred times where the people there should recognize my face. Still, I get the same old "Can I see your driver's license please?"

I don't make a big fuss about it. I can't blame these people who ask for my ID. Hell, I would ID myself too. What's been a little annoying lately is that I've had a feeling that patients in the clinic don't treat me like the way they would treat any other doctor. Zelda and I were talking about it the other night. We talked about how maybe it's because I look like I'm 18. People may feel weird about having someone look so young give them advice. So, we decided to try an experiment.

Some of you remember that I used to work in an optical. Even though I don't need glasses, I had a pair with virtually no prescription in it. It's so slight that you couldn't tell the difference with or without the lenses in them. I've been wearing these glasses for about a week now. All of the interns notice it. I've been told that it actually makes me look older. Since then, maybe it's just my imagination, but patients have been making their appointments on time, adhering to their treatment plan, and basically do what I tell them to and getting better.

So, what do y'all think? How would you feel if Doogie Howser was giving you medical advice? Be honest.

Frank

I used to work with a guy named Frank. Frank told me an incredible story once. He used to work in a sandwich shop similar to Subway before Subway was popular. He told me about some of his regulars. Some of which were police officers.

Frank got off of work one day and was driving home when he realized that there was a police car behind him. He checked his speedometer to make sure he wasn't speeding. The cop behind him didn't turn on his lights. As Frank exited the freeway, he noticed that the cop was still behind him. After a few minutes, another police vehicle was behind him as well. Getting a little nervous, Frank turned down a few other roads. Eventually, he drove right into a police barricade. That's when the cops behind him flashed their lights. Countless guns were pointed right in his direction. Then, he heard the directions. "Get out of the car!" Frank did as he was told. He did the whole hands behind your head and lie down on the ground thing. When he was handcuffed, he looked up and saw a familiar face.

"Oh, hi officer Johnson. How was your Roast Beef on White?"

"Frank?"

"Yeah"

"We got the wrong guy!"

Apparently, some guy was driving towards his wife's house threatening to shoot her. That guy happened to be driving the same car that Frank had. Frank was a good sport about it. He laughed about it afterwards.

I'm Back

Sorry for my brief absence. That bug really did a number on me. Usually, when people reach such fever levels, their dreams are quite detailed and complex as they approach delirium. Great truths are revealed as you leave your physical body to commune with the spiritual world. For me, I saw a chicken and a monkey playing and singing "ring around the rosey" on top of my television set. I said to myself, "That can't be real," and went back to sleep.

It all started on Saturday when I woke up with a sore throat. Zelda then said, "Let's go camping at the beach!" Instead of my usual, "I don't feel like it. Now, bring me some soup, Wench!" I replied, "Okay." Mistake #1.

When the morning came around, my throat was burning. That plus, I was shivering. That's when I knew I was running a temperature. Zelda said that we would leave first thing in the morning when the girls woke up. I said that since we made the trip, we might as well stay a few hours and let the girls have some time on the beach. Mistake #2.

When we left the beach at noon, I remembered that a friend of mine was hosting a crawfish boil. Since I contributed to 200 lbs of crawfish, I was going to have my fair share. When I got home, I took my temperature. 103.5 degrees. I popped 3 Advils, and drove out to the Crawfish boil. Mistake #3.

The following week, I paid for it. Severely. Can't say it wasn't amusing to see the chicken and monkey playing though. That has to mean something.

Sick

Going to take a few days off of posting blogs. I'm really sick. Last night, my fever spiked to 105.4 degrees. That's a new record for me. I was starting to get delirious. I'll still visit your sites and post comments though.

Learn to speak properly or else...

I used to work in an optical before I started school. One of the guys I used to work with, Chris (of the whorehouse), was a Vietnamese guy with a severe accent. I'm always trying to help him out with his pronunciations. He ended up being the main lab technician. Another guy, we'll call him Stephen, was an optician. Stephen is gay.

One day, Chris and I were sitting in the breakroom talking about different foods. Chris was talking about Vietnamese spring rolls and the peanut sauce that you're supposed to dip it in. He told me how much he loved the peanut sauce. When Chris says "peanut sauce" he drops the "t" in "peanut". Just then, Stephen walked by.

Chris: "Hey Stephen, you like peanus sauce?"

Stephen: (With a big smile on his face) "Yes, I loooove penis sauce."

Jethro: "hahahahahaha."

Chris: "Wha so funny? He likes peanus sauce."

Stephen: "That's true. I loooove penis sauce. I didn't know you like penis sauce."

Chris: "Ahhh man! I love peanus sauce."

Jethro: "hahahahaha."

Chris: "Why the hell you laughing?"

Jethro: "Chris, say peanut (with extra emphasis on the 't') sauce real slow."

Chris: "Peeeeeeeeenus sauce. Why?"

Jethro: "Alright man, I'll tell you. When you say it like that, it sounds like you're saying 'penissss sauce' "

Chris: "Pee...Peeeen....Peanus sauce. Aaaww man! You so sick man!"

My little pride and joy

Apparently, Jeanette is a psychic. I had this post saved as a draft waiting to be published today. Imagine my surprise when I went to her site and saw the same thing.

I was in the clinic the other day when I stuck my hands in the pockets of my clinic/lab coat. Usually I throw my keys in that pocket, but there was something in there with a paperlike consistency. I pulled it out and saw that it was an envelope. I opened the the envelope and found a letter inside:




In case it's a little hard to read, it says, "Dear (real name omitted) I Luove You So Much Frum Gwendolyn." The X's are where she messed up.

One of the other interns was standing right next to me and saw the huge smile on my face. He looked at it and said, "That is so adorable."

More memories of Me, Carlos, and Mason

Carlos, Mason, and I used to get slobbering drunk and play games on the playstation when we should've been in classes. Somehow, I still managed to pass all my undergraduate courses. Not with the grades that I wanted, but I passed. We would have a Mortal Kombat tournament on the Playstation 2 when it was brand new and gulp beer after beer after beer. We once made a game where the loser had to drink a shot of whatever we had. If a fatality was performed, the loser had to take another shot. What made it really fast was when we turned on the special options and turned on the one hit kill option. Basically one hit and your dead. Whoa, those were some killer hangovers.

In their second year, Mason and Carlos ended up roommates. Mason ended up missing 2 weeks straight of classes because he was playing Resident Evil. Mason's girlfriend (now wife) is extremely homophobic. One day, they decided to play a joke on her. Carlos unbottoned his pants and undid his zipper. Mason went into the bathroom and put toothpaste on the side of his lips. They sat in bed and when Mason's girlfriend walked into the room, Carlos jumped out of the bed and said, "Thanks, man!" and zipped up his pants. Mason sat up and looked right at his girlfriend with the toothpaste on the side of his mouth in full view. "EEEEeeeeewwwwwww!" Mason's girlfriend ran right out of the room. I've seen freshwater eels dropped into hot water squirm less than she did. Everyone laughed their asses off.

And lastly, I have to thank Trashman for this awesome rendition of Southpark Jethro:

Just for you Noonie

A couple of posts back, I was talking about how Zelda had made the bed and just how happy that made me. Well, Noonie asked the question.

"What's the point in making beds?"

Noonie, I asked my ever so smart parents that exact same question years ago. I asked them:

"Why do I have to make my bed? It's so stupid! I mean, I'm just going to sleep in it again."

What did the wise and powerful parents say?

"Well, why do you wipe your butt? You're just going to take a shit again!"

I had no answer. They had won that argument.

This time, a Conversation with Gwendolyn

We went to Galveston again yesterday. Zelda's parents rented a room at the San Luis Resort on the Seawall. This is a really NICE place. Way too rich for my blood. We were driving towards the beach when the following conversation between Gwendolyn and Zelda took place. Now, keep in the back of your mind that I get on Zelda's case for cursing in front of the kids. Then, when they say a curse word, Zelda laughs while she's telling them not to say such words because she thinks it's cute. Of course I tell her that she can't tell them to not to say those words while she's laughing.

G: "I'm so skinny."

Z: "Yes you are. You need to eat more."

G: "Yeah, my legs are skinny too."

Z: "Yep. You've got chicken legs."

G: "They're straight too."

Z: "Yes they are."

G: "Some people have fatter legs than me. Like you."

Z: Eyes and mouth wide open.

Jethro: (trying to keep the steering wheel straight) "hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Z: Shoots me the look of death.

J: (Now with tears in my eyes) "hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha!"

Z: Looks around to make sure there are no cars around for me to hit. Then, punches me in the arm.

J: "hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!"

Z: "I'm glad you're amused."

J: "hahahahahahahahahhahahaha. GWENNIE hahahahha THAT'S NOT hahahahhahahahhaha A NICE hahahhahahahahhahahaha THING TO hahahahahahahahaha SAY. hahahahahhahahaha"

Z: "You can't say that to her and laugh."

A conversation with Emma

I finally came home from Acupuncture class by 7:00 p.m. on Saturday. I went into the bedroom and saw that Zelda actually made the bed! It was such an incredible sight that I got right on top of it and pulled out my laptop to do some school work. Emma walks in and says:

E: "Hi Mommy, hi Daddy!"

J: "Hi Emma. What are you doing?"

E: "Nuffingk."

J: "Where's Gwennie?"

E: "She's outside!"

J: "Oh really? What's she doing?"

E: "She's looking for boys!"

J: (jumping out of bed and laptop flying through the air) "Oh no she's not!"

Someone answered what?

In our Emergency Procedures midterm, the professor Dr. K told us that we need to properly communicate that we understand concepts on the test. There was no multiple choice, no True/False. It's all short answer. That way, you can't just memorize lines. You must show that you understand what to do in an emergency.

In several of the classes, Dr. K mentioned that he displays some of the more "dumb" answers on the screen with the names withheld. This way, we can all point and laugh at the answers without anyone knowing who wrote what.

We got the tests back recently and some of the answers in my class were obviously wrong, but they were reasonable. He showed us some of the previous answers from other classes. They were incredible. I couldn't believe that people are going to graduate and call themselves doctors and give answers like what I saw.

However, the last example of "dumb" answers shown was by far the most eye catching answer Dr. K has ever seen in a class. He told us that he read it, did a double take, handed it to his wife to read. She read it and asked, "Is this for real?"

The question on the test was:
"What is the proper procedure for an amputated body part?"

The correct answer is:
Wrap the body part in a plastic or ziplock bag and place that bag in a container of ice and water. Then, get the patient and the body part to the hospital.

What did someone in my ever so smooth class answer?:
"Wrap that SHIT in ice and get it to the hospital fast."

Ode to Carlos

Some of you may have already visited Zelda's site and read about Carlos. A few of you may also remember how Carlos puked under my pillow. But, we all love that crazy bastard. I met Carlos my second year of college. He lived in my old dorm room. Poor bastard. I decided that I wanted to see that old room and that's how we met. We invited him to our back to school party on the first weekend before classes started. Hence, a family of college drunks was born. Well, drunk on certain weekends at least.

It became clear to us that if Carlos had been drinking, it was wise for everyone to go through his room and hide all sharp objects. One night, Carlos took a razor sharp knife. He then attempted to stab through a steel chair. His hand slipped off of the grip and he sliced through his ring and pinky finger. He severed the nerve that controlled those fingers. It was about 3:00 a.m. We didn't take him to the emergency room because we knew he'd have to go through all of the bullshit paperwork and wait before he was treated. Luckily, one of our friend's father was a doctor. So, we had our friend wake his dad up in the early hours of the morning to take care of Carlos. He ended up stitching up everything, and Carlos had to undergo rehab to get use of his fingers again.

Another round of midterms came through and it was time for another party. This time, we removed all knives (butter knives included) from the party room. After several drinks, everyone reached our own levels of intoxication. Carlos grabbed his pool cue and shoved it through his door. When we asked him why he did that, he said that he wanted to see if it would make a perfect hole in the door. Okay, lesson #2. Remove anything that can be used as a weapon.

At yet another one of our dorm parties, we removed everything we thought could potentially cause harm to Carlos or anyone else. When we thought everything was safe and clear, we started our drunken night. Again, Carlos surprises us. He finds a mirror and punches the glass. Again, we had to call up our friend's father and drove Carlos out to his office to get stitched up again.

Now, the above 3 incidents were just 3 single incidents out of 4 years of partying on most weekends. I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of Carlos. Most of the time, our parties were harmless ending with severe hangovers and lots of puking. Hell, we were young.

I remember we had a bachelor party where instead of a strip club, we went to play paintball. I remember hearing a digging sound to my right. I kept wondering what the hell that sound was. When I looked over, I saw Carlos digging himself a foxhole with a shovel that he hid in his BDU's. When I think of that moment, I smile and think to myself that Carlos should be just fine.

To see Carlos this weekend brought back a lot of memories. We were and still are a family. We watched each others' backs. We celebrated anything and everything. Carlos, after you get back from boot, we'll celebrate before you see action. Good luck and take care, bro.

A friend of ours, Carlos, and Zelda




Carlos and Me

Pictures!

I just got my laptop back and as promised, here are a few pictures of this past week.

Here's the girls' first kite.





Here's one of Inanna and our girls.





There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the weather was perfect.

It Takes A Thief

First, we had an incredible weekend. The weather in Houston this past weekend was absolutely incredible. Not too hot, not too cold. Just perfect. I'll blog more about it when I get my laptop back and can post pictures about it.

I was channel surfing the other night and stumbled on a show called "It Takes A Thief". I think it was on the Discovery Channel. I was so addicted. These two guys who were former thieves go around and ask people if they wouldn't mind if they had their houses broken into and robbed in exchange for a security upgrade.

Cameras are set up throughout the entire house so that the homeowners can watch as the thief goes through their personal belongings and steal thousands of dollars worth of stuff in 10 minutes or less. In one occasion, a brand new BMW was stolen too. Of course the people who are robbed get everything back. Then, their homes are completely redone with security upgrades. Then, a couple weeks later, the thief would come back and test to see if the homeowners locked up their house properly.

In one episode, the thieves took 12 and a half minutes and stole over $300,000 worth of stuff. It was probably closer to half a million dollars worth of stuff. This house even had an alarm system that was on. It was incredibly scary just how fast someone can rip your entire life right out from under you.

The moral of each episode is that it's up to YOU to secure your house, belongings, and safety from assholes. Some of these people actually left the keys to their $100,000 Mercedes in the car! It was unbelievable!

After everything is said and done, the homeowners get all of their belongings back and the former thieves upgrade their home security and give them tips as to how to not be a victim again. Then, in a couple of weeks, they try to break in again. It's amazing how some people just don't learn the first time around. Some do, but some don't. Anyways, check it out and let me know what y'all think.