Ooooops

School has been pretty steady lately. Because of the time that I spend studying, Zelda and I haven't been able to enjoy our "marital perks" as much as usual. It's been a few days and we were both very horny. Last night, at about 11:00. Zelda came into the room and got undressed. We started messing around butt naked on the bed. Then it happened.

There was the sound of a hand grabbing the doorknob. I then saw time slow down around me as I heard the doorknob turn. Faster than lightening I pulled the blanket over us just as the door opened and our Gwendolyn came into the room to show us her work at school. I had pulled the blanket over us just in time. Here's our conversation while I'm at full "salute" under the blanket.

Me: "Gwendolyn! Go back to bed, pumpkin! It's way past your bed time!"

Gwendolyn: "But, look what I made for you at school today"

Me (quickly): "Aaawww. That's pretty sweetheart (it's dark and I can't see a thing). Now go back to bed. You've got school tomorrow."

Gwendolyn: "Okay. Good night. I love you."

Me: "I love you too"

Me: "You didn't lock the door?!"

Zelda (laughing): "I thought they were asleep."

Me: "I love you, you dumbass."

Dermatology

Now ya'll see that when the girls get older, I'm in trouble. When they approach the age of dating, I have the perfect weapon. Earlier this year, I was required to take a dermatology course. One of the chapters in our required textbooks was focused on sexually transmitted diseases. There were detailed pictures. Some diseases show no symptoms in women but will in men. Other diseases show no symptoms in men but will in women. I tell you, if you saw some of the pictures in this book, you'd be tempted to be celibate. Hopefully, it will work.

If not, the old dad with a small arsenal introduction to the first boyfriend she brings home will have to do the trick.

Our girls

Okay, I know Zelda promised a picture of the family. However, we just realized that all of our pictures are of the girls. So, here's a picture of the girls. Zelda an I will take a digital pic of ourselves as soon as we can, which will probably be done this weekend.

Zelda takes on bullies

Saturday night, I took the family to a little Mexican restaurant right across the street from where we live. The girls insisted on taking their baby dolls with them into the restaurant. I didn't care...I was just going to have a nice meal, a few margaritas, and relax. We sat on the outside patio and practically had the whole place to ourselves. Towards the end of the evening, we bumped into our neighbors and started talking to them while the girls were running around with a few other boys who came out to the patio area to play. We heard our youngest let out a scream.

Zelda and I turned around to see Emma (our youngest) running towards Gwendolyn (her big sister) and her baby doll flying towards her. We then knew that one of the little boys grabbed Emma's baby doll. So, I ruffled my feathers and expanded my chest cavity like a ferocious gamecock preparing to protect the pen. That's when Zelda took over. She screamed at them, "Who took my daughter's doll?! Was it you?! What, are you a girl?! You like playing with dolls?! I bet you're a girl!" I turned around to my neighbors and laughed my ass off. I couldn't beat that! That was perfect! Not only did she scold them, she made them feel like complete assholes utilizing little boys' worst fears. We said good night to our neighbors and sat back down at the table. I drank the last of my margarita and stared at her with a huge smile on my face thinking, "Yep, that's MY wife....MINE!"

A little history about me

Now that you all know my origins, here's a little story about how I came to this great country.
I was born in Saigon towards the end of the Vietnam War. My father's family were high ranking military officials in South Vietnam. Everyone who was old enough to fight, fought. War is hell, but we knew what was at stake. Our home, our lives, our freedom. When the end was near, we had to leave. We would have been tortured and executed.

When the cease fire was reached, all hell broke loose especially when the communists decided to take advantage of it. My father was a Huey (helicopter) pilot. Most South Vietnamese pilots knew that the end was near. So, they took all available helicopters to try and get their families out. The communists were closing in on Saigon. My father had to fire several rockets at them to clear enough space in order to land and take us away. He landed, jumped out, and screamed for us to get into the helicopter. My uncle told my father that he was assigned to hold his post. My father screamed back at him (in Vietnamese) "It's over! It's over! We've got to leave NOW!" We left with nothing but the clothes on our backs. We took off and headed for the American ships.

When we got to the American ships, my mother remembers the scene. One helicopter would land on the ship, everyone got out, pushed the helicopter overboard and cleared out of the way just as the next helicopter landed. Again, people got out, pushed it overboard, and the next helicopter landed. This was all happening in a matter of seconds while the ship was sailing towards Guam. My family made it safely on the ship. That's when my problems started.

On the ship, I got sick....extremely sick. I was still just a baby. My uncle tried to re-pasteurize some bad milk with a couple of matches. It didn't work. It got to the point where they couldn't tell if I was alive or not. We prepared for a burial at sea. Before I was to be thrown overboard, Guam was in site. They dropped several life boats into the ocean, and rushed me and others to the hospital.

So, here I am today living, breathing, telling you all my story. I just hope you all understand and appreciate the freedoms that you have here in this great country....that you support our troops while they defend our way of life and our basic right to live. Our soldiers are the only ones standing in the way of those who wish to do us harm. Through my story, please appreciate your freedom. It can be taken away so quickly.

The Car Ride Home

WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT!

This past Valentine's Day was quite fun for me. For the past few years, I've managed to pique Zelda's curiosity into the world of adult toys. So, for Valentines day, I told her we'd visit Cindie's. It's an adult fun store. We bought a couple of vibrators, nipple clamps, and edible massage oils.

On the car ride home, I told her to take out one of the vibrators. She laughed at me thinking I was joking. When she looked at me, I didn't even crack a smile (even though I really wanted to). My eyes were telling her that I was serious. She dropped her smile and asked if I was serious. I repeated, "Get it out." She took it out and I told her to take off her panties. Such a good girl, she did exactly what I told her to do. I told her to turn it on and to place it between her legs. She put it between her thighs. I told her to slowly push it upwards. When it touched her clit, she let out a surprised pleasurable moan. You see, this was her first contact with a vibrator. I then told her to rub it slowly up and down over and over... then, round and around. When we got to within five minutes of our house, she adjusted the angle so as to insert it. I told her to stop. She screamed, "Why?! I need to! I need to!" I glanced over to her, smiled and said, "Something else belongs in there." She flashed me a big smile, straightened her skirt without any panties, and jumped out of the car as I pulled into the driveway. When we got into the house, we tore off our clothes, broke (literally) the top off of the massage oil and poured it all over ourselves. Every inch of her body was sliding against mine.

Holy Shit....I made myself horny....ZELDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been busy

Sorry everyone! With Zelda and the kids sick as well as the first week of school starting up, I've been quite busy lately. I've started seeing patients in the student clinic. I'm extremely nervous yet excited at the same time.

Anyways, during a study break, I flipped on the TV to the National Geographic channel the other night and saw a show called Taboo. They were talking about various strange ....edibles...around the world. Somewhere in Africa, they ate bats. Not so bad. Then I saw a "unique eating club" in New York where they were trying tarantulas, roaches, etc. In South Korea, there were people who ate live octopus. One man died because the octopus's suckers attached itself to the man's mouth and he choked to death. Probably the most interesting "food" was something that native Alaskans eat.

I saw this woman catch and clean salmon. After the fillets were cut out, she took the guts and head and buried it. After it had been decomposing for 2 weeks, she dug it up and ate it.

The strangest thing I've ever eaten was calf brain taco. Before you make a bet, make sure you can actually carry it out if you lose.

OUCH!

Back in high school and college, I used to play on a paintball team. For those unfamiliar with it, it's like wargames but with gas powered guns that shot small balls of paint. When you got hit by one of these things, it feels like someone pulling back a giant rubberband and releasing it on whatever body part gets hit. Yeah....ouch.

During one of our training sessions, my entire squad was wiped out with me being the only one left. My team had already taken out 5 of their players, but they still had 5 players left. I hid in some tall grass and saw the rest of the other team move in a lateral line across the field. So, I waited until the last guy moved across my line of fire, took aim at his chest and squeezed off 6 shots in one second. Poor guy...it was in the middle of winter so the pressure in my gun dropped, I watched all 6 chest shots curve downwards and hit him right where no man deserves to get hit. All you could hear was "AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" To top that off, all of the paintballs in my loader had hardened from the cold.

Guns, guns, guns

Well, the assault weapons ban lifts tonight. Frankly, I'm glad. A friend of mine said to me, "I don't care what you say, you're not going to convince to me that anyone nowadays needs one!" Actually, it was rather easy to convince him. It was years of negative publicity from the "elites" of this society that brain washed him. I started off by telling him, "Okay, so it's now illegal to purchase an assault rifle right? So, anyone who wants to commit a crime is going to abide by that law right?" Assault rifles have been sold and bought in the black market regardless of these laws. You know who's not buying them? The citizen who will obey the law. The same citizen who will not use deadly force unless provoked. Have you ever tried to take on an assault rifle with a little handgun? Unless you're highly trained, you will lose.

I then reminded him of the LA riots after the Rodney King trial. I gave him a selection of firearms and gave him the pros and cons of each weapon. Guess what he chose to defend his family and property...that's right. He chose the assault rifle.

I'm not saying that such situations are ever going to happen to you or me. Chances are, they won't. I really and truly hope that they don't. However, let's just say that tomorrow happens to be that 0.0000001% chance. Wouldn't you want a fighting chance? What would you say to me on September 10, 2001 if I were to tell you that 19 hijackers were going to take over 4 passenger airlines and fly them into the World Trade Center killing thousands? You'd say I was nuts. That's the problem, people can't comprehend the possibility of such acts until it actually happens to them. The only problem is, by then, it's too late. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that everyone should be able to own a firearm (background checks), but if you prove yourself to be a law abiding citizen, you should have every right to dispatch any threats to your home or family with extreme prejudice. Just my thoughts until someone can change my mind using good facts or logic... not the fear tactic that today's media tries to pursue.

In Defense of the German Gang Bang

Alright,
I read Zelda's entry about the German Gang Bang. Just to let everyone know the full story about why I even bothered to get the thing, let me explain. I WAS DRUNK!!!!! Okay, maybe not really drunk, but a little relaxed. My buddy, Corin, just left for the army. I was toasting to the gods, my ancestors, and my dead pet dog for his safe return. Anyways, I had 2 drinks ... Remy Martin VSOP cognac, straight up, on an empty stomach. So, I was a little relaxed. Anyways, Zelda and I always talk about sex. She told me one time that she had always wanted to see a gang bang. Being the perceptive and all remembering husband that I am, I decided why the hell not?! I'll go and get us something we can put in the DVD player and fool around to. (It's a little easier than the office chair, desk, bathroom, dining room table, back yard table, swimming pool, etc. Suggestions are welcome!) Anyways, I drove by this one video store that I always see on my way home from school and stopped in to pick something up. (Okay, I have to admit, I've never bought porn before.) So, I asked the...ahem... porn conniseur... about his selection, and I requested something recent with variety and a gang bang in it. Well, he presented 3 movies for me. So, I closed my eyes, reached out, and bought the first thing I grabbed....Thank god it was a DVD.

I came home, locked the door to our room and put the DVD in. The DVD was in several sections so I just fooled around with Zelda until I saw the gang bang start. Needless to say, when it started, we had more laughter than arousal. The rest of the DVD was okay, but that one gang bang was ... pathetic and funny.

Will be gone for 2 days

I will be gone this weekend to take National Board Exams. Wish me luck because I'm going to need it.

Man or Woman?

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for making me feel welcome. I've read many of your writings and have enjoyed all of your conversations before I even decided to blog. With that out of the way, let me share with you a story from Chiropractic school.

My Gross Anatomy professor is nicknamed Dr. Evil. For those who don't know what Gross Anatomy is, it's the class that involves larger, more complex human body parts (Gross as opposed to Micro). We dissect cadavers to inspect muscle, bone, nerve, organs, etc. Anyways, our lab practicals are timed tests where each station has pins attached to a body part and a question is asked about that body part. Some questions are extremely tricky. Usually, he'll give a couple of freebie questions usually in the form of "Name this structure". At one of the stations, he pinned the uterine artery. A couple of my classmates (No, I was not one of them) wrote down testicular artery. When we got the test back, the professor asked, how did you guys mix up the uterine artery and the testicular artery. The few who missed it said the cadaver had a mustache. Upon which the professor replied, "YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE WRONG END!"

Jethro Here

Well well well. It was only a matter of time before Zelda got me to start blogging. To those familiar with her, I'm sticking with the ridiculous name she gave me. At her request, my true racial identity will not be revealed (I think she wants to see who can guess what my nationality of origin is). I won't be posting as much as she does simply due to my schedule, but I'll try to put down responses to her posts so everyone can hear my side of the story.

A little bit about me. I'm a 29 year old chiropractic student. My expected graduation date is December 2005. I met Zelda through an ex-girlfriend. We have 2 beautiful daughters age 5 and 3.

Since everyone likes to talk about sex, I'll give a brief synopsis of our sex life:

I was Zelda's 1st so I got to teach her how to cum. Hard. Now she is my hot little love slut. And she will do anything I tell her.

Our first sexual encounter was quite interesting. She had been out with friends drinking. They were trying to set her up with some guy. That guy wanted to drive her home after he'd had one too many drinks. So, she called me. Since it was really late and she still lived with her parents, I picked her up and put her into my bed. Then, my friends and I sat up, watched movies, and drank. Eventually, everyone turned in. I was asleep on the couch when I felt someone nudge me. Zelda started kissing me and pulled me back into my room. I know some of you are thinking that I was taking advantage of a drunk girl, but keep in mind that Zelda and I had been very attracted to each other. We just had to have an excuse to mess around because of my ex. Eventhough I had already ended that relationship, they were still good friends.

Anyways, we started messing around. It got real hot so I took off her shirt, unhooked her bra and started kissing her breasts. She was a DDD cup and not the kind with 5 inch nipples either. She had perfect 1.5 inch diameter nipples that got hard when I licked them. She was moaning and clinging to me. I put her on the bed. Then, I unbuttoned her shorts, slid them off slowly and started to kiss the inside of her thighs. When I reached her panties, I tore them off. Zelda gave a slight gasp of nervousness (remember this is her first sexual experience). I started kissing her abdomen and was slowly sinking lower and lower. When I reached her clit, I kissed it once with a slight bit more suction. Then I spread her pussy open and started licking slowly. Zelda moaned with ecstasy. She started to plant her feet on my back to give her more leverage so that she could rock her hips harder against my tongue. I would then reach up and give her hard nipples little pinches. After another 45 minutes, Zelda started to rock her hips faster and faster until her back arched and she let out a small scream. She wrapped her legs around my head and I could feel her pulsing as she came.

I knew she had never had sex before, so I decided to stop while I was ahead (pun intended). I swear though, I was so rock hard I could've shot the ceiling. But, I decided not to push my luck. I had to wait 3 fucking months before I nailed her. Fortunately, she was happy giving me blowjobs. But, that's for another time.